Humorous Wedding Roast of the Groom :: Wedding Toasts Roasts Speeches

Humorous Wedding Speech about the Groom Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Before starting the one speech that I know you’ve all been waiting for, I’d like to thank both Steve and Marcus – my two support acts. And I’d also like to thank Marcus in particular, for hosting what so far has been an absolutely fantastic wedding. It can’t have been easy watching your only daughter marry someone like Steve. In fact, I can only imagine what it might have been like - perhaps a similar feeling to realizing that you’ve just trodden in some fresh dog mess, only 100 times worse? But Marcus, if I may call you that, you’ve conducted yourself with great dignity and composure today, and I think we should all take inspiration from you – particularly when we next have a mishap on the pavement. And talking of mishaps on pavements, it was 17 years ago this very year that I trod on Steve – sorry, I mean that I met Steve - one September morning, both of us walking to our first day at St Joseph’s Secondary. And I feel the things I’ve witnessed over the last 17 years give me a certain authority today to remind Marcus, and to tell those of you who don’t know Steve, quite what Aimee’s got herself into. Now, I can see Steve beginning to look uncomfortable and, behind that sweet smile, Aimee is clearly furious. And it’s fair enough, because they did make it very plain to me that today was a family occasion. But it’s also tough, because this is too good an opportunity to miss. That said, they shouldn’t really worry because Steve’s never been much of a rebel. In fact, at school he was quite a goody-two-shoe – if you ignored the fact that through the fourth and fifth year he used his changing room locker to run a profitable lending library of pornographic magazines. Let me tell you, when word got round that the Porn Prince had some new stock in, there would be a queue half way round the block. Or so I heard. But he did ask me not to go into that today, because it’s something he’s never told Aimee, so I won’t. And in fairness to Steve, he was actually a keen student who always wanted to put forward his opinions – and he would have done well if the examination board had only agreed with just a few more of them.

Industrial attachment report Essay

CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION Students Industrial work experience scheme (SIWES) was established by ITF (Industrial Training Fund) in 1973 to solve the problem of lack of adequate practical skills required for employment in industries by Nigerian graduates of tertiary institutions. SIWES is an exercise created for students of higher education to enable them practice those things they have learnt theoretically in class. It also helps to expose students to the use of certain industrial equipment. The exercise reveals students skills as well as inspiring students’ ambition to become useful citizens in the future. It also helps them to interact with the highly respected and educated personalities. These students are willing and eager to prepare themselves to attain certain higher positions after graduation. This is a report of the SIWES experience I had at the national root crops research institute, Umudike, abia state. CHAPTER 2 COMPANY DESCRIPTION The National root crops research institute (NRCRI), Umudike is one of the 17 Agricultural research institutes in Nigeria. The institute started as a provincial experimental farm under the national department of agriculture with headquarters at Moor plantation. It assumed a federal status to become Federal Agricultural Research and Training Station (FARTS) in April 1, 1972. By April 1, 1976 it became known as national root crops research institute by the Agricultural research institutes decree of 1973. In line with its national and zonal mandate, the institute has the responsibility of conducting research into: Genetic improvement of root & tuber crops of economic importance in Nigeria Agronomy of root and tuber crop production including farming systems development for the southeast agro ecology Design and fabrication of simple agricultural farm tools and equipment Storage, processing, utilization of root & tuber crop production. NRCRI has taken giant strides with commendable results. These have earned the institute one of the best research institutes in Nigeria having contributed immensely to the economic development. The research findings of the institute have made Nigeria to become the world’s leading producer of cassava and yam with annual production of 33.1 and 19 million metric tons. The track record has also placed the institute in the top position for two years consecutively in the annual world food day. ACHIEVEMENTS: Effective control of major pests and diseases in cassava, yam, irish potato & sweet potato Development of sweet potato starch & media for biological uses Development of true potato seed for irish potato production Development of cassava, yam, sweet potato & cocoyam flour for baking, odorless fufu, cocoyam chips as snacks. Development of low cyanide cassava varieties for the savanna agro ecological zones CHAPTER 3 JOBS DONE/EXPERIENCE GAINED INTRODUCTION TO THE WORKSHOP: On arrival to the workshop, the first thing I was introduced to was the safety rules of the workshop which included the use of personal protective equipment (PPE) at all times. After this, I was given a full orientation to the workshop staff and tools. MODIFICATION OF A GINGER CUTTING & WASHING MACHINE: When I arrived at the workshop, the ongoing project was the modification of a ginger cutting machine and a ginger washing machine. A ginger washing machine is a machine used for washing freshly harvested ginger from dirt while a ginger cutting machine is a device used for cutting freshly harvested matured ginger into two equal parts. For this the following jobs were needed. USE OF HAND CUTTING/HAND GRINDING: The hand grinding machine which is also called an angle grinder is one of the very useful tools in the workshop. It is used for cutting, grinding and polishing. They can be powered by an electric motor, petrol engine or compressed air. In the workshop, the angle grinder was powered by an electric motor. The motor drives the geared head at a right angle on which is mounted an abrasive disk (used for grinding) or a thinner cut-off disc (used for cutting). It was used for cutting into metal sheets to a specified measurement, removing excess material and smoothing rough edges off the material. PRECAUTIONS: -In the workshop, we were required to replace worn discs because the continuous use of already worn discs could cause parts or the whole disc to fly out thereby causing serious damage to body or machine. -The cutting disc should never be used in place of the grinding disc and vice versa -Never stay in an enclosed place and always use the right posture when cutting/grinding. A HAND CUTTING/GRINDING MACHINE USE OF THE HAND DRILLING MACHINE: A drill is a tool fitted with a cutting tool attachment or driving tool attachment usually a drill bit or driver bit which is used for drilling holes in various materials. The drill bit is gripped by a chuck at one end and rotated while pressed against the material. A centre punch is usually used to indicate the spot where the drill is about to perforate so as to prevent the drill bit from slipping of the mark. PRECAUTIONS -Apply just the right amount of pressure to the drill during use as too much can end up breaking the drill bit and too little would not do anything. USE OF JOINING PROCESSES: During the work on the ginger cutting and ginger washing machine, metals also needed to be joined together. We used processes such as welding, riveting and also bolts & nuts. PRECAUTIONS -When welding, make sure the eyes are protected by a facemask -When riveting ensure staying on a flat surface. MEASUREMENT & MARKING: Before any work is carried out, it has to be put into measurements so as to avoid waste. Some of the instruments used were the vernier calipers, steel rule, measuring tape. THE USE OF THE RADIAL DRILLING MACHINE: A radial drilling machine is a large gear headed drill press in which the head moves along the arm that radiates from the column of the machine. The arm of the machine can swing in relation to the base of the machine. This swing operation helps the drill head to move out of the way so a large crane can place the heavy work piece on the base of the radial drilling machine. This also helps in drilling holes at different locations of the workpiece without actually moving the workpiece. Common features of the radial drilling machine are the power feed of the spindle and the coolant system. We also discussed problems when looking for solutions and also acquainted ourselves with the relationship between pulleys and the speed of a crankshaft. At the end of all these, the ginger cutting machine and ginger washing machine were tested and modified where necessary with good results. CHAPTER 4 RELATION OF EXPERIENCE TO FIELD OF STUDY The relevance of my experience to my field of study is the fact that most of the problems and tools encountered in the workshop were those which have been solved theoretically in class and hence a better understanding of the course was achieved. The relevance of this industrial training to Mechanical Engineering is the fact that it helps students to be more compatible with what they have been taught. Mechanical Engineering is more understood when combined with practice. The Industrial training helps to achieve this part. It makes the students not only knowledgeable but also quick with their hands and minds. This, at the end of all these, will result in better trained members of the mechanical engineering society. Mechanical Engineering, in fact, is a practical course. Considering the situation of our country with respect to education, I would say that without SIWES, graduates of mechanical engineering would really be lacking when it comes to practicing the course in the real world. CHAPTER 5 CONCLUSION/RECOMMENDATION All in all, the experience was a very wonderful one. I developed a good working relationship with the staff and my supervisor as I had learned from my 200 level industrial training and I also had a wonderful time putting what is learned in the classrooms into practice. Safety is a very important issue in any environment but it can never be over emphasized in a workshop.

Generational Changes Of Body Image - 1999 Words

Kelly Doran Mrs Rambo INQ 110 FF 8 December 2016 Generational Changes of Body Image Each generation as a whole views today’s society differently. Ideal body types have drastically changed throughout the years, each representing their time’s body trends. People looked up to celebrities that illustrated their time’s perfect body. Body trends today are also widely different than trends of the past. Trends are also hyped up on social media platforms, and increase the number of people with bad body image. Body dissatisfaction can come from the rapid growth of social media. Usage of photoshop has also altered some to think that an unattainable body is what one should look like. Plastic and cosmetic surgery has also increased over the past few decades. Millennials are more inclined to get unnecessary surgeries done because they have been brought up thinking it is normal. The combination with body shaming and body dissatisfaction has pushed many to eating disorders. These disorders can even bring out more dangerous consequences that range from minimal t o life threatening. Today’s body standards have drastically changed from past generations due to social media, falsified advertising, and the constant desire for impossible body goals. Society’s ideal body type has drastically changed throughout the generations. During the Silent Generation, one would expect a body type to be more rotund and full. This mimicking the â€Å"Gibson Girl† bodies, which was the epitome look for females toShow MoreRelatedSocial Sustainability : The Four Pillars Of Sustainability1273 Words   |  6 PagesSocial sustainability is one of the four pillars of sustainability. It is the least clearly defined as it changes with time, the economy, the environment and political situations. With so many factors that affect it, it is as important as the other three pillars (environmental, economic and political) and should therefore be given the same treatment and attention. 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Marxist Criticism On Charlotte Bronte s Jane Eyre

Yair Guerrero Mrs. Jones AP Literature and Composition March 18, 2016 Marxist Criticism on Charlotte Brontà « s Jane Eyre Some novels will not let the reader escape the social setting, and Charlotte Brontà « s Jane Eyre is no acceptation. The author implements a symphony of details that strikes the reader as a full blown portrait of society. The novel s surroundings profoundly influence the thoughts, emotions, and actions of every character, which makes out the setting to be as important to the novel s development as the characters and personalities involved. This essay analyzes Jane Eyre through the Marxist lens and considers how the literary work accounts for the socio economic culture in its time along with how the work critiques these social ills. In the opening chapter of Jane Eyre, Brontà « exposes her readers to the setting in which characters atone great faith to Social Darwinism, a theory in which the world is to be ruled by â€Å"survival to the fittest. The setting is also saturated with Divine Right Theory, which is a theory that grants justification to the ruling class to rule over the working minority because the people of the Victorian Era see this social hierarchy to be predestined by God s command. Chapter one is a reflection on the conditions of the time in which the novel was written in, Brontà « directs her characters Jane Eyre and John Reed to carry out a characterization of the tyrannical oppression with an unjust society: You are a dependent, mama says;

Must We Reform Laws to Make It Harder to Get a Divorce

Must we reform laws to make it harder to get a divorce? Would it annihilate the construction of the family, or would it serve as a headrest? Several arguments had occurred, however the answer remains various according to different perspectives. Marriage is a sacred phase in our lives consisting of a man loving a woman; thus, they come to be married by means of choice. [The Article, â€Å"Should It Be More Difficult To Get A Divorce†] states that no person should be enforced to make life decisions based on what others might think what is best to do. Kids age up healthy with both parents at their side, in spite of this they do better with ones that are not strained to act a fake play. Obligation will never exist as an answer if it was not†¦show more content†¦Individuals are bound to misapprehend others; in the same way, perception is born within us. Reforming laws concerning the divorce burden will cause confusion amongst family members, which might lead to false decision-making and eventually. [In the Article, â€Å"Getting A Divorce: Should It Be More Difficult To Obtain A Divorce?†] Huffing ton Post (February, 2013), Beverly Willet argued that methods such as the â€Å"me-centered approach to Divorce† achieves no positive progress into saving people from falling into the pit of doom. Willet also mentioned that Spouses try to get a divorce as hard as they tried when it came to marriage, noting that children are the sole bearers of whatever outcome that occurs when a divorce act is served. Countless options are efficient more than making it harder to get a divorce; instead, marriage should be harder to prevent any future faults from becoming. [Another article, â€Å"Should a Divorce Be Harder To Obtain?†] Divorce Support, Cathy Meyer remarks that â€Å"on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale – showing whether or not stress contributes into illness – divorce is number two, right after death.† Even though it is labeled as a nerve-wracking event in life, people think that it should be so quick and easy to occur; even before having to thin k about it if such mechanism is possible. While altogether did not agree upon the statement on this subject, particular supporters favor suchShow MoreRelatedShould Reforms Laws Makef It Harder for a Divorce? Essay877 Words   |  4 Pages In the old days, it was so hard to get a legal divorce even if couples were unhappy. Courts would not dissolve a marriage without proof of misconduct. Today marriage educators, domestic violence experts, social workers, law makers and scholars are trying various ways to resolve marriage crisis through counseling, while divorce rates are still climbing yearly. 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Hamel Prahalad Core Competency Free Essays

Business performance was primary based on the position of an organization in its industry and this view was criticized by Hamel and Prahalad as no common goal or corporation existed between the units. Alternatively, Porter believes that an organization should be viewed as individual business units. However, he does consider sharing resources between them which earlier idea planning ignore. We will write a custom essay sample on Hamel Prahalad: Core Competency or any similar topic only for you Order Now This essay is going to discuss what competency is and compare with portfolio of individual business units. A core competency is something a firm can do well and meets the following three conditions pointed out by Hamel and Prahalad. Firstly, it can provide customers benefits. Secondly, it is hard for competitors to imitate. Finally, it can be use widely in many products and markets. Hamel and Prahalad introduced this concept in 1990 Harvard Business Review article. A core competency is a bundle of skills and technologies for a firm to provide customers benefits. Sony is an example use this idea, Sony must ensure that technologists, engineers and markets have a share understanding of customers need and of technological possibilities. There are three test must meet when firm consider to use core competency as a management strategy. These three test are can provide customer benefits, hard for competitors to imitate and can used widely in the market and product. There are many companies have the potential to build core competency but failed to do so because the top management are unable to conceive the company as anything other than collection of discrete business. Hamel and Prahalad define a business unit as focusing on end products or markets. However, the core competency is not product specific. It can be seen in broad sense which offering a wide rang of competitive advantages. For example, ‘user friendliness’ at Apple Company. Core competency can be enhanced when it is being applied and shared, but it still needs to be nurtured and protected. Core competency is the glue that binds existing business. It is also the engine for new business development. Porter’s view of positioning, cost leadership and differentiation are all based on the final product. This is also the reason why Hamel and Prahalad and Porter have different views on whether the competency as a portfolio of core competency rather than as a portfolio of individual business units. Hamel and Prahalad opinion is that competition is base on core competency much more than product. Glaxo is a company that supports Hamel and Prahalad’s idea. It suggests that if and organization is viewed as separate business focusing on the end product, future opportunities may be missed. Once the existing markets become matured and become a commodity if no new products have been envisaged. It is hard to maintain a core competitive advantage. However, if the organization based itself on core competency they to not diminish, the more they are applied, the more useful they will become. The view of core competency is towards the future, while competition for individual business units focusing on end products is about the present. Considering the organization as a portfolio of core competency take an inside out approach. Hamel and Prahalad’s view only focus on internal analysis of the organization but not the external environment. However, the alternative view is the market based view taken by theorists such as Porter. This supports that in order to gain a competitive advantage, the organization needs to find a successful position for the product or service within the market. This takes an outside in approach as it is based on positioning and then reviewing the organizations value chain to accommodate the external requirements. To sum up, it is very important and essential for a firm to build core competency. Core competency can bring several advantages and allow future opportunities to be identified as skills from different business units and can be combined to create new products. It is also a long term strategy and should be combined with the focus on end product to achieve competitive advantage. How to cite Hamel Prahalad: Core Competency, Papers

Retrenchment Strategies Type Essay Example For Students

Retrenchment Strategies Type Essay A retrenchment expansive scheme is followed when an organisation aims at a contraction of its activities through significant decrease or the riddance of the range of one or more of its concerns in footings of their several client groups. client maps. or alternate engineerings either singly or jointly in order to better its overall public presentation. E. g: A corporate infirmary decides to concentrate merely on particular intervention and recognize higher grosss by cut downing its committedness to general instance which is less profitable. The growing of industries and markets are threatened by assorted external and internal developments ( External developments – authorities policies. demand impregnation. outgrowth of replacement merchandises. or altering client demands. Internal Developments – hapless direction. incorrect schemes. hapless quality of functional direction and so on. ) In these state of affairss the industries and markets and accordingly the companies face the danger of diminution and will travel for following retrenchment schemes. E. g: fountain pens. manual type authors. tele pressmans. steam engines. jute and jute merchandises. slide regulations. reckoners and wooden playthings are some merchandises that have either disappeared or face diminution. There are three types of retrenchment schemes – Turnaround Strategies. Divestment Strategies and Liquidation schemes. 1. Turnaround Schemes Turn around schemes derives their name from the action involved that is change by reversaling a negative tendency. There are certain conditions or indexs which point out that a turnaround is needed for an organisation to last. They are: Persistent Negative hard currency flowsNegative Net incomesWorsening market portionDeterioration in Physical installationsOver manning. high turnover of employees. and low moraleUncompetitive merchandises or servicesMis directionAn organisation which faces one or more of these issues is referred to as a ‘sick’ company. There are three ways in which turnarounds can be managed The bing head executive and direction squad handles the full turnaround scheme with the consultative support of a external adviser. In another instance the bing squad withdraws temporarily and an executive adviser or turnaround specializer is employed to make the occupation. The last method involves the replacing of the bing squad specially the main executive. or unifying the ill organisation with a healthy one. Before a bend around can be formulated for an Indian company. it has to be foremost declared as a ill company. The declaration is done on the footing of the Sick Industrial Companies Act ( SICA ) . 1985. which provides for a quasi judicial organic structure called the Board of Industrial and Financial Reconstruction ( BIFR ) which acts as the corporate physician whenever companies fall ill. 2. Divestment Schemes A divestment scheme involves the sale or settlement of a part of concern. or a major division. Net income Centre or SBU. Divestment is normally a portion of rehabilitation or restructuring program and is adopted when a turnaround has been attempted but has proved to be unsuccessful. Reaping schemes a discrepancy of the divestment schemes. affect a procedure of bit by bit allowing a company concern wither off in a carefully controlled mode Reasons for Divestment The concern that has been acquired proves to be a mismatch and can non be integrated within the company. Similarly a undertaking that proves to be in feasible in the long term is divested Persistent negative hard currency flows from a peculiar concern create fiscal jobs for the whole company. making a demand for the divestment of that concern. Severity of competition and the inability of a house to get by with it may do it to deprive. Technological up step is required if the concern is to last but where it is non possible for the house to put in it. A preferred option would be to deprive Divestment may be done because by selling off a portion of a concern the company may be in a place to last A better option may be available for investing. doing a house to deprive a portion of its unprofitable concern. Divestment by one house may be a portion of amalgamation program executed with another house. where common exchange of unprofitable divisions may take topographic point. Last a house may deprive in order to pull the commissariats of the MRTP Act or owing to oversize and the attendant inability to pull off a big concern. E. g: TATA group is a extremely diversified entity with a scope of concerns under its crease. .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .postImageUrl , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .centered-text-area { min-height: 80px; position: relative; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:hover , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:visited , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:active { border:0!important; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .clearfix:after { content: ""; display: table; clear: both; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 { display: block; transition: background-color 250ms; webkit-transition: background-color 250ms; width: 100%; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 250ms; webkit-transition: opacity 250ms; background-color: #95A5A6; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:active , .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:hover { opacity: 1; transition: opacity 250ms; webkit-transition: opacity 250ms; background-color: #2C3E50; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .centered-text-area { width: 100%; position: relative ; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .ctaText { border-bottom: 0 solid #fff; color: #2980B9; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0; padding: 0; text-decoration: underline; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .postTitle { color: #FFFFFF; font-size: 16px; font-weight: 600; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 100%; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .ctaButton { background-color: #7F8C8D!important; color: #2980B9; border: none; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: none; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 26px; moz-border-radius: 3px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: none; width: 80px; min-height: 80px; background: url(https://artscolumbia.org/wp-content/plugins/intelly-related-posts/assets/images/simple-arrow.png)no-repeat; position: absolute; right: 0; top: 0; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:hover .ctaButton { background-color: #34495E!important; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .centered-text { display: table; height: 80px; padding-left : 18px; top: 0; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873 .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873-content { display: table-cell; margin: 0; padding: 0; padding-right: 108px; position: relative; vertical-align: middle; width: 100%; } .u99192dd54b0c92b8e1873aa9212b2873:after { content: ""; display: block; clear: both; } READ: Remains of the day EssayThey identified their non – core concerns for divestment. TOMCO was divested and sold to Hindustan Levers as soaps and a detergent was non considered a nucleus concern for the Tatas. Similarly. the pharmaceuticals companies of the Tatas- Merind and Tata drug company – were divested to Wockhardt. The cosmetics company Lakme was divested and sold to Hindustan Levers. as besides being a non nucleus concern. it was found to be a non- competitory and would hold required significant investing to be sustained. 3. Liquidation Schemes A retrenchment scheme which is considered the most utmost and unattractive is the settlement scheme. which involves shuting down a house and selling its assets. It is considered as the last resort because it leads to serious effects such as loss of employment for workers and other employees. expiration of chances where a house could prosecute any hereafter activities and the stigma of failure The psychological deductions The chances of settlement create a bad impact on the company’s repute. For many executives who are closely associated houses. settlement may be a traumatic experience. Legal facets of settlement: Under the Companies Act 1956. settlement is termed as weaving up. The Act defines weaving up of a company as the procedure whereby its life is ended and its belongings administered for the benefit of its creditors and members. The Act provides for a murderer who takes control of the company. roll up its assets. pay it debts. and eventually distributes any excess among the members harmonizing to their rights.